About Me

I am beyond vexed that the lottery has not made me a winner. I am not greedy for millions ~my needs are simple: good books, better wine, and a new vehicle.

Friday, August 31, 2007


The Minion has a mild form of Mysophobia. It started a couple years ago and he is nowhere as manic about it as say, Adrian Monk . I think all of us have something that kicks in the OCD that lurks inside. For me it's putting the dishes exactly where they belong and taking my vitamins in a certain order. When not near soap and water,The Minion uses Purell. He washes his hands before all meals, after using the loo and after coming back home from wherever we may have been. We have Purell in the car, in his backpack, in his lunchbox. At restaurants he washes in the bathroom and then uses the Purell right when the food lands on the table. The up side of this is that he never seems to get ill. Maybe a sniffle in the winter. Never stay-home sick. The whole class could be heaving their little guts up and having The Trots ~ he doesn't catch the bug.

On Tuesday, he will start 4th grade. I took a look on his school's website to get an idea of what his class will be focusing on this year. There it was on the list. Germs. They are doing a unit on germs. To some, knowledge is power, however I believe that once The Minion learns the details of his "mortal enemies" he may want to bathe in Purell daily. I wonder if I should alert his teacher of his issue or just let the school phone me if he falls over in a dead faint.

Saturday, August 25, 2007


No, I am not hearing them yet. For whatever reason I have been thinking about actors whose voices make my heart beat a little faster and my toes tingle. Must be the oppressive heat. The voices belong to Alan Rickman and James Spader. An odd combination for most I am sure. I've probably been watching too much Harry Potter and Boston Legal. I just added Secretary to my Blockbuster queue for a Spader fix and rented Truly, Madly, Deeply and Sense and Sensibility last week for Rickman viewing pleasure. Yum.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Just complaining about the weather

All this past week it has been in the low 60's here in the Green Mtn. State. We've been wearing lightweight fleece around the house, socks etc. Even some leaves have begun to turn. Today it was 88 and so hazy the visibility is nil. I really wish it would rain. Tomorrow it's supposed to be in the high 90's. I know it's August, but the tease of breathable crispish air was cruel. I should not complain as I know what is around the corner. The White Shit. Although I am a native VTer, I hate winter. The shoveling. The idiots on the road. The freaking dark at 4pm crap. The dismal endlessness that is January. Sigh.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Foreign Concept

I read this article and am blown away. I read an average of 4 books a week. I never realized I am in the minority where reading is concerned. I used to have a bumpersticker that said "Kill Your Television". I'll have to find another.

Monday, August 20, 2007

As if my Subconscious needs help

I always have odd dreams. But since I've been reading Jasper Fforde,my mental nocturnal meanderings have taken a deeply strange turn. Bears in cars, possessed bakery items, and me telling Zoely (blessed with ankle length tresses ~ walking down the middle of Main Street) that she is really Lady Godiva. Last month when I re-read all the Harry Potter's in preparation for The Deathly Hallows, my dreams were filled with Death Eaters and magic. Why can't I have a good old sex dream. With oh, say....Viggo, or Johnny, or Spike from Buffy, or even the S.O?

On a side note, I just told The Minion that if he ran and launched himself at the couch One. More. Time., I was going to nail his feet to the floor. It felt empoweringly Evil-Mom like to say, but I don't think he believed me, dammit.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Lawyers, Guns and Money

I'm working on 6 hours of sleep, a drive in the dark with fog, 6 hours at the hospital, 2 Luna bars and a bottle of Pinot Noir. I only bought one bottle, because at 1:30 pm I really didn't think I'd want MORE. See, me and alcohol have a love, hate, godiloveyoudammit, hate relationship. I hate getting buzzed because I know I shouldn't. But it's been a long freaking day. Long and freaky. Mother came through the leg thing okay and I read every old issue of Good Housekeeping there was available ..and overheard this in the surgical waiting area: " I had a cell phone, but my boyfriend took a hatchet to it, so I guess you should give me a beeper." I would say 'Only in VT' , but somehow I think the same thing might be currently uttered in ... Alabama? Holy Shit.

So aside from being a complete happy drunk, dancing around with my son's iPod to Nickelback ( Rockstar...fucking love that song)...I give you Bocephus King. Hello hotness with a grinding voice. If you have iTunes, listen to 'Nowhere at All' and 'Think About You'. Yeah baby.

( The upper blurb was for the sole enjoyment of Zoely - but should anyone else read this, check him out. You will move your hips. Slowly. In a God-its-hot-here-I must-disrobe "Think About You" way. Makes me think of Richard actually. Hint, Zoely , Hint!)

My wine is gone. Crap. I think the bottle was 12 Weight Watchers Points....Leigh, if you read this, I lost 50 lbs online. You look fantastic.

I really wish I'd been on my game and asked the redneck chick for the backstory on the hatchet and the cellphone. Now we'll never know.

On to darling Warren and his prose. I always feel Accidentally Like Martyr. Mad Love.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Mildy Irritated

My mother is having surgery on her leg tomorrow. She has a basal cell wound that needs to be cleaned and skin grafted. She has been in the Nursing Home re-habing her new hip and this is just one of the many issues that have hampered her recovery. She is scheduled for 7:30 am and needs to be at the hospital at 6am, so the staff at The Home told me last week they would arrange for an ambulance to bring her to the hospital. Fine, perfect, as I live close to an hour away from The Home. My plan was to be at the hospital at around 8am as the surgery shouldn't take more than an hour. Yesterday I was informed by the Home staff that the ambulance would not make the 10 minute round trip drive to The Home and hospital because she is able to ride in a car. They could see if the town bus could pick her up. Or a taxi. Huh? An 80 year old woman on public transportation without medical staff heading for surgery...no fucking way. So, I ask the MD in charge of her care at The Home what we can do - he writes a request to have the ambulance transport her tomorrow morning. Request denied. So....I will be rising at 4am and picking her up at 6am. I asked the nurses how can this be? What about the poor old souls who don't have family? I was told they have sent residents to the hospital by ambulance and if they do not have an urgent need to be brought back by ambulance they have been sent back to The Home in a taxi. Is it just me, or does anyone else see this as very, very, wrong?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


This past week has been so busy I don't know where to begin. The Minion returned last Wednesday safe and sound. His plane was two hours late leaving Chicago, but that was the only snag. He is very happy to be home. Then Thursday, Zoely and her children made the trip to Vermont. ~Insert nursing home trips, playdates and sleepovers here ~ . A dear friend from highschool and his girlfriend called Saturday night, they are here in VT for a week visiting his family, we hadn't seen each other in 17 years. So, The Minion, Todd, his GF and I went to the Apline Slide yesterday and spend the afternoon playing catch-up. They will head back to Boulder via Canada. It's been a nice time seeing the people I love but haven't seen in far too long.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Today's the day

The Minion will be getting on a plane in a couple hours and flying from Portland, OR to Chicago then on to Albany, NY, where I will be waiting with bells on. I woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep - which is unfortunate since this was my last day to truly sleep in. I have only driven myself to the Albany airport once 4 years ago, and it was in the middle of the night. When there was very little traffic. Usually the S.O does the driving. But this time I am biting the bullet and driving myself. It's about an hours drive, so it's not that far. But I am a 2-lane kind of girl. 3-lane if the middle lane is a turning lane. Navigating the stretch of road from Troy to the airport makes my knuckles white just thinking about it. I am a Psalm 91 driver. Which I borrow from Tim Cahill in his book Road Fever. Basically, if you perceive you are in a dangerous situation, this Psalm will help keep you safe. Given it's length however, it's okay to just say "Psalm 91, Lord!" and hope the Big Guy doesn't knock off points for severe editing.

I finally did straighten The Minion's bedroom. It wasn't as bad as I'd feared. Now there are visible surfaces.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Random Thought

My parents, mostly my mother, never really approved of any of my choices in boys or men. They claimed they liked them. But I know they didn't. Until I became enamoured with the S.O. The beloved S.O is truly a good man. I wonder though, if I had brought this delight home for supper, if perhaps they'd have been more tolerant of the others. I do think that his soon-to-be ex-wife, the fabulous Dita Von Teese is lovely. And the pairing certainly made me wonder. But not too much. Thinking about them sitting down to breakfast together ~ a normal everyday occurance ~ was probably a weird, weird scene unto itself. And I'm fragile like that.

Holy Birth Canals, Batman!

I just read this article - and felt my vagina snap shut and lock. The article states she's been pregnant the total of a decade and change. My calculations came to over 12 years. Chris in comparison has been pregnant a total of 5 years and change. Somehow after reading Chris for the past few months, I have never questioned her sanity about her family choices, my thoughts have been things like: "She has 7 children, hey that's neat, wonder what detergent she uses? " and " I wonder if she has a clock like Molly Weasley's in Harry Potter?" However, Mr.and Mrs. Arkansas have me freaked out. And the names all begin with the letter "J". Saves on monogramming I suppose.

I have to clean The Minion's room today. Wonder what goodies I'll unearth...shudder.

Friday, August 3, 2007

A better way to REALLY wake up

My mother has an early doctor's appointment today, so I set the alarm for 6am. I do not work in the summer. 6am is a late August through May thing for me. This time of year anything before 8am is considered middle-of-the-night. The alarm goes off, filling the bedroom with the screeching sound of the horrible radio station here in town. I slap it off. Roll over and take a big sip from my travel mug of water that lives by our bed. The water seems more solid than usual. I feel something skitter on my tongue and spit out ( all over my library books which litter the floor ) the water and an earwig. Mr. Earwig apparently wanted to take a stroll in my straw. Not wanting to wake my Beloved, I do not gag, retch, scream "EWWWWW!" or even whimper in disgust. I calmly put on my glasses, look for the vile beast, who has high-pincered it away, and go downstairs to pour a cup of coffee. I stuck my tongue into the coffee, willing the heat of it to kill the freaking cooties. What if it was a She...what if it laid eggs...ACK! I have scrubbed the travel mug.

I suppose the good thing about getting up this early today was the Red-tailed Hawk I saw sitting in the birch tree down by the pond, scanning the field for tasty little breakfast morsels. And it's still in the 60's - which will change within the next few hours to the sweltering 90's again today.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Back to being Mommy

My Minion, who is 10, will be coming home from his 6 week visit to his father's this Wednesday. He has been in Oregon since the end of June. And I have missed him. On occasion. Things I have done since he left: I have read around 30 books ~ including the re-reading of the Old Harry Potter and the New Harry Potter. I have gone to the local Maidenform and spent time choosing items without his complete mortification of being subjected to that type of shopping experience. I have gone to lunch with my girlfriends. I have completely enjoyed my Significant Other in places in our home other than our bedroom. I have watched things other than Spongebob and Scooby-Doo. I have slept late. The bag of Chicken Nuggets has remained untouched in the freezer. Things I haven't done: Cleaned the flaming cesspool of toys and bits that is his bedroom. Last year I cleaned it out the first week he was gone. This year I've left it until the last minute. Will he miss the broken McDonald's toys? The scraps of tissue paper from his birthday? The deflated "Get Well" balloon that was his grandmother's; who graciously gave it to him after she was well? Perhaps. I swear to God, I didn't buy him all that stuff that is upstairs, breeding even as I type. Where does it come from?

So I have decided that in the next 5 days I have to practice my "MomSpeak". Things like " Don't trash the couch!" " Put your shoes where they belong." "Can you please turn that down?" "You just ate 20 minutes ago, have some water." " We have to go to the store if you want to eat later." "No, we cannot go by the Dollar Store." "Okay, but if you get drivethru, that's your lunch." "Yes, I'll watch you play StarWars." " Go outside and play." "Put on your helmet before you even TOUCH that skateboard".

I'm feeling empowered already! I can't wait to have my boy back where I know what he is doing (mostly) 24/7. His dad is a good father, but it's so hard not knowing what is happening. I suppose it is good training for the college years. I just felt more hair go gray. I miss tucking him in and pestering him about brushing his teeth. He's a fun kid and I certainly appreciate being his mother more after we've been apart.