About Me

I am beyond vexed that the lottery has not made me a winner. I am not greedy for millions ~my needs are simple: good books, better wine, and a new vehicle.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

A Talk With My Former Spouse

The Minion's father wanted him to go to Texas for Christmas. Not just for the two weeks of vacation but for a week before and after. A world of NO on that entire idea. I'll list my reasons.

My ex husband has found the Pentecostal church. Apologies to any of my 5 readers who might be born-again Pentecostals, but the ex has taken this to an extreme.
  • He believes that the Jews killed Jesus, no not the Romans, the Jews. Considering the S.O is Jewish, I take offense to that train of thought. Not to mention that the last time I picked up a story of the Crucifixion, it was centaurians weilding the mallets and nails.
  • He claims the people he is with in Texas are just like you and me, but they don't sin. Ever.
  • He cannot send me child support because he doesn't have a job. But God has taken care of all his needs - i.e, he is doing odd-jobs for the church and is receiving room and board ( sponging off them ).
  • He said he would pray for me. I said, great - please do...and also pray for that pair of winter boots for the Minion..I'll expect them on the dining room table via divine intervention by morning.
  • The only way to get to heaven is by reading the Bible and believing in Jesus. Apparently all other religions - including Catholics, but especially Jews need not apply.
  • Barack Obama is a Muslim.
  • He wants the Minion to eventually live with him because ~ and I freaking quote: " You can have more children". That is a freaky-assed statement.

When I got off the phone, the S.O suggested I just sit and have a bourbon. I thought that was an excellent suggestion. Needless to say, there are no plans for a father and son reunion anytime soon. The Minion is relieved. He is as wigged as we are about the change in his dad. And for those who are wondering, I have full legal custody. Whew.


Valerie said...

sweet jesus.
I meant the one killed by Romans, not Jews.
Will the church be letting the 8 yr old minion perform odd jobs in exchange for room and board, as Tuna is clearly not even putting clear broth on the table?

Felicity said...

another clever remark from me: uuuuhhhhmmmmmmm????
Tuna is whacked.